The problem with this is even though there are consequences, and they are often big, this is not setting a boundary. Upon further reflection, you consider this option, “Hey, I’ll just make an excuse. Are you going to get U a hotel room for the duration of your family’s stay? Presumably U spends time in your home and will feel isolated for the duration of the visit. In all of these cases you are faced with the same situation, U is a “dirty secret”, and while NONE of you intended to set things up to make them feel that way, each of you WILL feel the pressure that is generated by that truth.
This is a request for another person to limit their own behavior (in sometimes unexpected and dramatic ways) that is a much bigger deal than most new-to-Poly people can even grasp. P hates these things anyway, I’ll bring U and we’ll make up a cover story that we can use if anyone asks.” This is not going to work well. Aside from the fact that you can’t make U leave (tenancy rights), you are basically kicking U out of her own home for a week. Put on some sort of Kabuki-style production as described above in the work-related holiday party. You need to either be completely out (challenging under the best of circumstances), willing to risk dramatic disclosures in meaningful situations, or U will be excluded. For starters, some people are actually okay with this.
They don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, and neither do they want to have to answer questions or justify their decisions in the workplace, so they have decided to remain “in the closet” about this whole experiment.
That seems respectful, both for them and for the person they are going to be dating.
You posted that you and your partner are ready to open up your relationship and find a special person to add to it. One thing that many of them said was that you are a “Unicorn Hunter”.
For some reason, a ton of people seemed upset at your post and started replying with a bunch of hostile, snarky comments that didn’t describe you at all. Not knowing what they meant, you asked your good friend Google what a “Unicorn Hunter” was, and you figured that out. Why did all of these people have such a major stick up their butt? The fact that you are here, reading this, implies that you care.
One of our intrepid Unicorn Hunters ran into the idea of swinging/open relationships/polyamory.
If anyone has ever described the idea of societal privilege to you, it’s kinda like that.It is critical to have a conversation with prospective partners, before there is a relationship, where you discuss how “out” you are wiling to be.Set expectations early, so that everyone knows what things will look like and can consider the ramifications.There are so many pitfalls and traps here, that we can more than adequately explain the outrage from our zealous forum denizens.What do you mean, pitfalls, aren’t these good things to talk about? These are issues that need to be discussed when opening up a preexisting relationship, certainly, but perhaps not for the reasons or in the way that you might think.